Living with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) can be an incredibly challenging and isolating experience, much like any other chronic condition. The constant inner turmoil and emotional upheaval can make acceptance feel like an impossible task. This blog post delves into the journey of finding self-acceptance as a PMDD sufferer, challenging societal expectations, and embracing personal strength amidst the struggle.
The Battle against Self-Acceptance
The relentless assault of dysphoria during PMDD episodes can often lead sufferers to feel broken, dissatisfied, and undeserving of acceptance both during and after episodes. The constant repetition of mantras of shame and brokenness reinforces a negative self-perception, especially when sufferers don’t always remember negative interactions that occurred with loved ones during these episodes. It is essential to recognize that acceptance is not an indulgence but a necessary step towards healing and thriving as a PMDD sufferer.
Letting Go of the Resume
Society expects a resume of accomplishments to justify overcoming struggles and proving worthiness. I contributed to one. I survived things. Horrible things. I brought good into the world. So much good. I sewed love into my marriage, my in-laws, my friendships. I volunteered. I worked hard. I did spreadsheets to safeguard our future. I drank too much at times, but never to a consequence to my livelihood. And I stopped doing that years ago. I eat too much sugar at times, and I also balance it with a rainbow of fruits and vegetables on my good days. I exercise. I take my meds. I take all the B’s. The Magnesium. I walk. And yet I still have had to prove my right to suffer at every turn with my closest relationships.
We often find ourselves building complicated webs of proof that we are worthy to be a part of our relationships, our workplaces, our friendships, trying to demonstrate why we deserve acceptance from others. However, this resume is not for us to create. It is futile to seek validation from the world when our worthiness is innate and should be acknowledged simply because we are alive. Accept that success to you, dear PMDD sufferer, may look like brushing your teeth today. That simple act of self care can be extremely difficult on those bad days, and it is okay for you to pat yourself on the back if that is all you accomplished today. If you haven’t brushed your teeth today, applaud yourself for researching your condition. I am so happy you are breathing and reading this!
Recognizing Your Strength
Surviving day after day with PMDD, with many of us battling quiet suicidal ideation, is a testament to our strength and resilience as sufferers. There is a reason we are called warriors. We literally fight for our lives, month after month, to stay alive and see the beginning of our next follicular phase. We must celebrate our perseverance and acknowledge that staying alive is an absolute miracle through days 21-28 for some of us. I have been awed in my encounters with the PMDD population. Never have I met a sufferer that was content with just suffering through it. Every single sufferer I know has had a resolve to make it through. To improve relations with others. To learn more about self. To take whatever medication, food or supplements will help alleviate symptoms. Sharpening tools and weapons to take on the monthly battle with this disorder.
Applauding the Desperate
To all PMDD sufferers yearning for acceptance, it is essential to applaud yourself for your strength and endurance. In our pain and anguish, we often question why we feel so broken, and why it is so hard to relate to others during episodes. We must remember that we are not broken; we are experiencing a difficult condition that impacts our relationships. Our struggles do not diminish our worthiness. Maybe your symptoms this month created immense challenges in your romantic relationship. Maybe you had a blowout with one or both parents because they don’t understand your cyclical need to isolate. Instead of wondering if you are a failure, or taking on unearned shame for a relational exchange that didn’t go right, you can give yourself permission to accept that today wasn’t perfect, and try again tomorrow. Applaud yourself for continuing to try to engage in relationships with your loved ones.
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Liberating Ourselves from Toxic Acceptance
The journey towards self-acceptance involves freeing ourselves from the need to convince others of our worth. We cannot contort ourselves to fit into the lives of others or constantly seek recognition from others. Many of us with PMDD (and other disorders) have a tendency to negotiate toxic relational dynamics, taking on too much, not honoring our own boundaries, and burning out or spiraling when our body has met it’s limit. Sometimes we can work through these unhealthy dynamics with our loved ones, and sometimes the elements of the relationship themselves are toxic and should be examined. Letting go of toxic relationships and societal expectations can provide space for personal growth and healing.
Choosing Self-Compassion
Being a PMDD sufferer does not necessarily have to equate to suffering. By embracing solitude, growing curious about what our boundaries and needs are, becoming more mindful of our limitations, we can discover a path to self-acceptance and self-love. Removing ourselves from relationships that demand more than they give allows us to prioritize our well-being and minimize unnecessary suffering. Self-acceptance and self-compassion are powerful tools in the life of a PMDD sufferer. They require acknowledging our strengths, letting go of external validation, choosing to ignore self-judgment, and choosing self-compassion. Embracing self-acceptance allows us to find peace amidst the storm and recognize our inherent worthiness. Let us celebrate our resilience and continue to support and uplift one another on this challenging journey.
Hugs, Warriors! You are amazing! 